Starting my Morning Right

Every morning when I wake up I read the Bible and the newspaper because I want to see what both sides are up to.

Who did Michael Vick find?

The press reported that Michael Vick found Jesus, Son of God. Actually he found Jesus, son of Jorge. Jesus was an illegal alien on the corner by the court house looking for work. Vick is going to have him clean out the kennels and mow the yard. He needs to get the resale value of the mansion up.

New Feature-"Yes, I would-No, I wouldn't"

Yes, I would-the babe running for President in Argentina
No, I wouldn't-Hillary Clinton

Yes, I would-E. D. Hill
No, I wouldn't- Heidi Cullen

Yes, I would-Fred Thompson's wife
No, I wouldn't-Obama's wife.

Fight the Global Warming Hoax Tip#3

Make fun of someone driving a hybrid. You are driving that full size truck, van, or SUV because you're an American and earned it. Especially if the driver of the hybrid is a guy, let him know what a chick car he is driving.

Fight the Global Warming Hoax Tip #2

Increase the size of your carbon footprint from size ten to whatever size Shaq wears. If you have a second car that is an old clunker drive that sucker more. Take that long weekend vacation. Up the wattage of all of the light bulbs in your home. Change that stupid setting on your computer that turns the screen off.

The way to tick off both the environmental wackos and PETA-three letters-BBQ. There is no more enjoyable way of increasing your carbon footprint than by throwing some beef on the fire.

Fight the Global Warming Hoax Tip #1

When I go to a place where I have to use the restroom and I am not paying for the toilet paper (hotel, public restroom, the office, etc.), I use as much as possible. Take that Sheryl Crow.

Just Say No to Global Warming

After listening to a brain damaged by drugs buffoon droone on and on about global warming the other day I realized that only a complete idiot would believe the global warming hoax.